Stream Of Consciousness Review: Heathers

  • Ryder.
  • I ride hard for Ryder. All day.
  • Slater.
  • Christian Slater is admittedly more of a mixed bag. Fantastic in Mr Robot though.
  • I don’t think any movie features croquet quite so heavily.
  • Veronica rocking something from the Beetlejuice collection there.
  • Dyslexic serial killer handwriting alert.
  • What is your damage!
  • This movie is so very.
  • Turquoise Heather getting the Waylon Smithers treatment.
  • Johnson has not been used as a euphemism for penis since the Truman administration.
  • What does calling someone a pillowcase imply?
  • Curious Slater.
  • I need to readjust my doucheometer, stock brokers kid just knocked it out of whack.
  • Fuck me gently with a chainsaw!
  • What is going on with the ripped jeans, Waynes World ripoff guy is wearing over a base layer of what appears to be red tights?
  • Good eyebrow acting from Slater. I could say that every 5-10 minutes in this movie, so just assume that it’s implied from here on out.
  • Jason Dean. A true American hero. With an earring.
  • For the record, I’d take wads of that cash and just fire them full force at people’s faces then watch them scramble to scoop up the bills like they’re on a bad 70’s game show.
  • I’ve looked up Bo Diddley and I still do not understand the comparison. If anything I’m more confused.
  • Open door policy for assholes is an excellent comeback for that.
  • Aaah the halcyon, pre-Columbine days of 1988, when open gunplay in a school cafeteria would get you at most, a weeks suspension. Or something,
  • Did you have a brain tumour for breakfast?
  • Revolver Ocelot level ricochet skills.
  • Some people just want to watch the world burn/fuck people over in a pointless game of croquet.
  • Convenience speak and Nicholson speak. Those are JD’s specialties.
  • Man I could murder a turbo dog.
  • Static. Yeah, I can relate.
  • A spoke in my menstrual cycle.
  • You don’t have to ask her major, but you do have to ask yourself, how much do I want to get onto the sex offenders register?
  • That monocle is fantastic.
  • Diet coke heads.
  • Brad got his whole game from Miami Vice.
  • What’s your damage is something I intend to say more often.
  • Get Rudolphed.
  • Thank you subtitles for informing me that it is in fact croquet and not crochet.
  • Do you have a “match” of croquet?
  • I’m also going to refer to sex as croquet from now on.
  • Upchuck factor of a mushroom ensure.
  • This is my million dollar idea. Tinder style app where you play croquet then immediately murder someone. It’s going to be big.
  • Slater 1 – Heathers – 0
  • San Quentin has a great shower rape syllabus.
  • I wonder if people by JD’s logic really do write overly verbose suicide notes.
  • Ms Fleming you fucking moon unit. Every school has a Ms Fleming.
  • “Couldn’t accessorise for shit” will be printed on my tombstone.
  • Peter you’re a boring fuck. A boring, boring fuck. You look like Ant & Dec collided with Marty McFly.
  • JD’s dad looks like an essential 80’s psychopath. He should be on the Omnicorp board of directors.
  • That dude is in Beetlejuice!
  • MTV video games? Like Beavis & Butthead: Virtual Stupidity?
  • What is a pud whapper?
  • You shouldn’t really put someone in a half nelson at a funeral. Even if they are a big nerd.
  • As it turns out Ich lüge bullets are a load of bullshit, and in German Ich lüge translates to “I lie”. Advantage Slater.
  • I also drink mineral water. And wear dresses.
  • I like that Kurt, star high school athlete that he is gets run down by Christian Slater, chain smoking renegade in a trench coat and jeans.
  • Better call in a 420 officers.
  • When you look closely at the uniforms, these cops kind of look like they might actually just be male strippers.
  • Buggery. Wasn’t expecting that word.
  • Lighting his cigarette on her hand. Brutal.
  • First rule of high school murder club, you don’t talk about high school murder club.
  • Date rape and AIDS jokes is a little too on the money.
  • I love my dead gay son!
  • This movie has more funeral services than The Sopranos.
  • I missed the switchlade and angel dust craze. But they did ban pokemon cards at one point. Pikachu was a menace.
  • Hey lets get together at my dads post modernistic faux jungle themed dead tech house and listen to knockoff Streets Of Rage music.
  • Is this guy Shooter McGavins dad?
  • Well I’m glad he’s doing what he loves. I wish I could spend my life getting orgasmic pleasure from demolishing buildings.
  • I don’t know Veronica, he’s still pretty cool.
  • Ah, Slaters Jack Nicholson valves are fully open now. Firing on all Nicholson cylinders.
  • Wearing a kimono to school. The 80’s were weird.
  • Not as exciting, but much less dead.
  • HOW THE FUCK DOES CROQUET EVEN WORK.
  • Parents, are your children getting wasted on angel dust? Flicking out switchblades in a threatening way? Joining high school murder club?
  • Hey missy, life isn’t a big game of strip croquet you know.
  • Get crucial.
  • JD had the right idea, but he didn’t take it far enough. Just euthanize all teenagers. As soon as they turn 13, boom, like Logans Run on hard mode.
  • Colour me stoked girl.
  • Veronica, murder is the future. Just go for it.
  • Life sucks. Perfecto.
  • Slater – 2 Heathers – 0
  • Heathers 2016: Tindr, suicide tweets, strip clash of clans…
  • This is one of my most coveted teenage bedrooms, right after Hey Arnolds swag New York loft space.
  • Switchblade!
  • This movie was oddly prescient in an immensely fucked up way.
  • Did you hear something honey? Sort of like Jack Nicholson shouting about killing our daughter? No? Probably nothing.
  • Fucking hell. JD has enough hardware to blow up the twin towers.
  • High school boiler rooms really got their moment in the 80’s.
  • This is an unexpectedly brutal fight.
  • Revolver Ryder. Lets do this.
  • Can you imagine this movie today? High schoolers killing each other, bringing guns to school then blowing the place/themselves up? This is more of its time than Birth Of A Nation.
  • Well, Heathers is very perfecto. Later, I gotta motor. Got a strip croquet game to get to.

heathers

 

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