Demolition Man: Stream of Consciousness Review

  • Los Angeles 1996: riots, overpopulation, rampant gun violence, Sylvester Stallone, heavily militarised police presence, seemingly random terrorist attacks… is Demolition man a documentary?
  • Phoenix
  • Simon Phoenix.
  • Maniac is the word I’d use to describe Wesley Snipes. In 1996 and in 2016.
  • PHOENIX!
  • This intro is almost as good as the 3DO Demolition Man game.
  • I think Stallone just put Quentin Tarantino through a glass door and chucked him down some stairs.
  • Is Wesley wearing chefs pants?
  • So his master plan is to do a few lines of coke and immolate himself. Sure.
  • Oh look, the LAPD have themselves an RV.
  • No those are more like Beetlejuice pants actually.
  • Only took 6 minutes for someone to say the words demolition man.
  • No, this time it’s not my fault that an entire factory exploded, honest.
  • John, bungee jumping into a bad guys lair from a helicopter while wearing a beret is NOT standard police procedure.
  • Ok, Wesley tricked JOHN SPARTAN into killing 30 people so they could go to neo 1996 future jail together. That’s marginally more sensible. And a bit gay.
  • An outrageously reckless cop who killed 30 hostages and an unrepentant criminal mastermind. To the cryo-penitentiary with you.
  • Much like Tango & Cash, this has an unnecessary shot of Stallones bare ass.
  • Half of LA has turned into one of Kyle Reeses Terminator apocalypse nightmares yet they’ve constructed a fully functional cryo-penitentiary.
  • Cool, they have iPads and self-driving cars in the future.
  • Oh sweet merciful crap, Dennis Leary is in this.
  • Cruel nightmare hellmother, Rob Schneider is in this.
  • Everyone in 2032 acts like they’re from the Ned Flanders utopian dytopia from Treehouse of Horror V.
  • And so begins a Simon Says gimmick which will almost certainly not become tiresome whatsoever.
  • Wesley went from frozen solid to eyeball on a stick without missing a beat.
  • They still use mechanical keyboards. This truly is a rosy vision of the future.
  • In my life, I strive to proceed with extreme assertiveness.
  • In 2032, everyone dresses like Wesley Snipes.
  • San Angeles. That’s the dumbest thing I’ve heard in the last 40 seconds.
  • There had better be an explanation for Simon Phoenix’s prolific hacking ability… or else!
  • Stand back, I know beatbox fu.
  • Subterranean Hooligans are my new favourite band.
  • Cool, they have Skype in the future.
  • And kimonos. And that fat dude from Beetlejuice.
  • Authentic Criminals is my favourite Subterranean Hooligans song.
  • “We need an old fashioned cop” smash cut to the thawing out of Andy Griffith.
  • Cryo con.
  • Lenina Huxley.
  • It may look like Sylvester Stallone is reacting to waking up from cryostasis in an unfamiliar world to find that his wife is dead and meat is illegal with the same blank stony look he always has, but actually that’s a really nuanced, understated performance.
  • Whenever I run out of toilet paper I inform everyone I can immediately.
  • Zach Lamb. Where did they get the names for this, Hideo Kojimas dream journal?
  • Would JOHN SPARTAN know the word fascist?
  • Well there’s a bit of shocking racism for us.
  • Mellow greetings. What seems to be your boggle?
  • You are over-encumbered and cannot run. Simon drops a few phaser rifles.
  • Police Brutality vs Beatbox Fu.
  • 2032 Simon Phoenix looks like a rejected Tekken character.
  • The cyber-pope is going to Pizza Hut.
  • President Schwarzenegger, not even that far off.
  • The cyber-pope has changed into his neo-Dracula dining attire.
  • I just want Demolition Man over. That’s what I’d prefer.
  • Was that Lenny Kravitz on the bike?
  • It’s nice that they found a use for the old Mad Max costumes.
  • That new get up looks like it must have pretty good damage resistance.
  • I did not expect David Lynch virtual reality sex.
  • I did not expect knitting.
  • Simon Phoenix is on the Joker program.
  • Filthy meat haven.
  • In a fascist vegetarian Pizza Hut hole like San Angeles, I’d be happy to get a rat burger too.
  • That Leary beige pyjamas monologue has made this whole thing worth it.
  • Snipes has thawed out central castings generic bad guy package.
  • You can take this movie and shovel it Stallone.
  • Jesus CHRIST, they just dumped that guy in the fire.
  • I beat 18 people to death with my bare hands after I watched Police Story.
  • The beret is back.
  • This movie really has hit peak stupid at this point.
  • No, the laser gatling gun is peak stupid.
  • Freezing a man solid then kicking his head off is not standard procedure Spartan.

Subterranean Hooligans EP – Cryo Prison 2032

  1. The Three Seashells
  2. Total Fear Zone
  3. De-Hurtful Retraction
  4. The Schwarzenegger Library
  5. Ecactammundo
  6. The Hunka Chunka
  7. I’m a Seamstress
  8. Prehistoric Bravado
  9. Authentic Criminals
  10. Demolition Man feat. Sting

Demolition_Man_bg

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: