0:02: Immediately a sweaty man is licking a blade threateningly.
*Are there non threatening ways to lick a blade?
0:04 Click Here!
0:06 Excellent facial… manoeuvre there. I have no idea what it was supposed to convey but that just speaks to the depth of the acting on display in this clip.
0:08 An almost equally puzzling reaction from non Mullet Man.
0:23 As much as I normally love practical effects, this is shit. They’re clearly just punching each other reaaaaaaly slowly. Couldn’t even be bothered to do it in post. I know this isn’t The Matrix but come on.
0:33 Mullet Man is wearing a lab coat.
0:39 The little sideways glances before tearing his shirt off are what really sells it. You can’t fucking teach that, that’s just class.
0:44 The lab coat is off, saving me from wondering WHY THE FUCK IS HE WEARING A LAB COAT for the rest of the video.
0:46 Both tops are off. That certainly escalated quickly. I’m sure it’s one of those things that seemed perfectly reasonable to do at the time.
0:49 Some excellent pre fight poses. Tekken worthy. They’re actually standing and framed exactly like they’re in a fighting game only this is far, far sillier.
*Full disclosure now. I have absolutely no idea what movie this is from nor do I have any context for what is happening at all. I feel that only enhances the experience.
1:00 Something about the cuts here make the fight look like something from The Movies.
1:19 As much as I can denigrate the acting, production, hairstyles and pretty much every other aspect of this clip, those dudes are fucking RIPPED.
1:26 Knife is back in play.
1:30 So two things I’m noticing right now. Firstly, despite having been wearing a lab coat, Mullet Man is wearing jogging pants which is not a combination that is ever acceptable in any universe. Secondly non Mullet Man has what looks to be a badge on his belt. Presumably he’s a cop? If he is, he’s went out of his way to not bring a gun to a sweaty shirtless knife fight.
*Non Mullet Man kind of looks like Barry Scott from the Cillit bang adverts.
1:36 Face grabbing. One of the most unexpectedly effective martial arts techniques.
1:45 This music, in addition to everything else, is just making the whole scenario overpoweringly homoerotic. I mean, not that it wasn’t already.
1:50 A woman arrives just in time, before things get any more Brokeback Knifefight.
1:54 Most dramatic use of a washcloth ever.
1:59 They are kicking the absolute shit out of him.
2:02 Hammer in your nails all the way in. Don’t half ass your DIY. You never know when you’re gonna get roundhouse kicked into a wall, you don’t want to lose an eye into the bargain.
2:13 HOLY FUCKING SHIT THAT JUST MADE HIM MAD.
2:18 The arrival of this woman is just demonstrating the fact that, despite being a crazy ripped apparently mad martial arts scientist, Mullet Man is about 5’4.
2:31 Power Rangers worthy backflip there.
2:38 Losing an eye has clearly just put Mullet Man on planet OWNAGE.
2:41 “HA HA HA HUUGH. HA, HU HA HA HAAAA”
2:49 Wonderfully balletic kick there.
2:51 Fuck me this dude is having the worst luck with sharp objects today. You know when people say “you’ll have your eye out with that”, is this the kind of world they’re envisioning?
3:05 He’s still just flailing around in what can only be an awe inspiring amount of pain.
3:10 “I’ll keep an eye out for ya, Stingray”
*His name was FUCKING STINGRAY.
*Tossing off one liners after a truly heinous murder. I think these two are absolute psychopaths who have just assaulted a well meaning lab technician who just happened to know enough Krav Maga to defend himself.
3:13 “Yea… See ya!”