Mad Banter: The Crash

“Don’t cry; just listen to me”

Ken: “Put the gun away jack!”

*Car crash


Roger: “Why don’t you take a nap? Your face looks like a bag of walnuts”


Chaough: “Can you believe this crap?”

Don: “Yes I can”


Ken: “No one cares that I almost got killed?”

Everyone: *No fucks given


Don: “We’ve given them seven ways to go in six weeks. We don’t even get to talk to them? We have to depend on this cripple?”


Don: “Are you afraid of him?”

Sylvia: “No! I’m afraid of you. I don’t think you understand”

Don: *Befuddlement


Betty: “Where did you get that skirt?”

Sally: “I bought it”

Betty:  “You mean Megan bought it for you”

Sally: “I earned it”

Betty: “On what street corner?”


Cutler: “Age before beauty”

*Sprints up staircase


Don: “What’s in it?”

Dr Feelgood: “It’s proprietary, but all you need to know is it’s a complex vitamin superdose. It’s basically my own combination of B vitamins and a mild stimulant. You have a heart condition?

Don: “No I thought you said it was mild. What does it do?”

Dr Feelgood: “A lot of things, but I think it’ll give you what Jim Cutler says you need. 24 to 72 hours of uninterrupted creative focus, energy and confidence”

Don: “Really?”

*Wonders how the doctor stole his semen.


Dr Feelgood: “SCDPCGC. That’s a mouthful”


Dr Feelgood: “Who’s next?”

Roger: “That’d be me but I have a heart condition”

Dr Feelgood: “Don’t worry about it”


Ken:  “It’s my job…

It’s my job. To take them to dinner at 80 miles per hour.

It’s my job. To stop a mile from the restaurant so they can have 5 pounds of crabs legs and three bottles of beer a piece, and then go get prime rib.

It’s my job. To go hunting so they can fire off their guns an inch from my ear and laugh when I get startled because…

It’s my job.”


Don: *Long, rambling, nonsensical speech about ‘the darkness’.

Stan: *Astonishment


*Stan arrives, loudly brandishing a notepad

Stan: “I did it! I’ve got Six hundred and sixty six ideas!”

Ginsberg: “I’m wasting my Saturday with lunatics”


Peggy: “And that makes them buy a car?”

Wild eyed, spam faced Don: “If this strategy is successful, it’s way bigger than a car! It’s everything”

Peggy: *Befuddlement


Chaough Town: “What the hell went on here this weekend? Half of this work is gibberish, Chevy is spelled wrong”


Betty: “I’ll tell you what’s going on. Some elderly Negro woman held your children hostage and robbed you blind”

Sweaty Spam Don: “What?!”

Bobby Draper: “She said she was your mother…”

Don: *Collapses


Disclaimer – I do not in any way condone the use of the word “banter” in any situation or context.

Click here for more Mad Banter.


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