The Christmas Psychopaths of Greenock

Christmas is a time of sharing, thoughtfulness and the celebration of family and all those dear to you. However, it also presents an opportunity for the manifestation of a tortured, abnormal psyche through the medium of tinsel, LED and decoration. Mental illness great and small, normally overlooked in a mute uncaring world is presented in dazzling physical form, the worst and darkest recesses of the mind illuminated for all to see.

It is a frightful time, and one must be prepared to recognise the telltale signs of madness put on display. It could be your neighbour or even a close family member. The Christmas psychopath is a cunning and dangerous beast, lacking the morals or scruples of a normal human being. Continue on dear reader. Arm yourself with the knowledge to realise what you are dealing with, before it’s too late and you return home, finding your family lifeless amidst a broken sea of shattered, bloodied baubles and spilt eggnog. Read on.


To festoon a small tree such as this, one which sits directly outside the living room window no less, with incessantly blaring lights of all colours may seem a bizarre decision. A bizarre decision indeed in the mind of a sane man, but the mind of a Christmas psychopath is a fickle and treacherous place, full of winding, dead end paths and illogical aberrations  not unlike that of an MC Escher painting. To debate it is suicidal, to avoid it is the only safe course of action.

Forgive me for the blurred quality of this image. It was acquired under duress, harriedly taken whilst evading the most wicked denizen of this place – a grim fat man dressed entirely in blue tinsel. Like a crazed cerulean blur, he came at me, clutching what could only be described as a cudgel. He pursued me with the determination of a creature who had conquered fear itself, without even a trace of shame nor remorse.

A stark reminder of the dangers lurking around all of us. Look past the obscured vestige and it should be clear, even at a glance that this is the dwelling of a Christmas psychopath. The over abundant lighting knit like some bulbous pox all over the house is warning enough. STAY AWAY.

This is a truly upsetting portrait of unbounded madness. Lighting, interior decorations and distressing homunculi form an amalgamation of terror that cannot be unseen. A truly unhinged person, running through a distressing gauntlet of hellish visions even while performing everyday tasks. This is the home of the most unpredictable type of Christmas psychopath. The kind who has partaken in blood sacrifices to the mad god, who weeps with joy in the dead of night. A wild being, unmoored and unstable.

The primary course of action in cases like these are to leave and never return. Do not attempt contact. Tell no one where you are going, simply go and take no possessions which might tie you to this previous domicile.

Should relocation not be possible, contacting the police is an option but one which is not recommended. This kind of psychopath is unpredictable, possessing means frequently beyond the scope of the authorities and often powers supernatural in nature. Even where the psychopath can be incarcerated or killed, they may resurface to terrorise the surrounding neighbourhood throughout the festive season in a barbaric display of primal fury and uncanny cunning.

A winter lodge of some sort is a happy alternative.

A truly garish display of gaudy exhibitionism, often characteristic of an entire family of raving beasts and less commonly, a solitary lunatic. In the former, this ‘family’ (often not a true family but a gathering of shattered souls or possibly an evolved group of hardcore drug fiends) can be given to frightful displays of force with little direction and no sure stopping point. This trait can be used in your favour, these groups have little synchronisation and can be dismantled by targeting individual members serially. The best way is to lure one into a trap, they find it near impossible to resist children either full of Christmas spirit or those which are lost and afraid. Small groups of carollers are very tempting so long as they attack as a unit (lest they incite a frenzy in the quarry) and protect their eyes and genitals.


A solitary tchotchke does not a madman make you say? A naive assertion. That desperate effigy clutching his lifeline is the first indicator of a crack in the psyche. That single ornament will soon seem mundane, and be bolstered by another more bombastic adornment and another in a vicious cycle which can only end in the worst way.

This mans family isno longer safe here and the relevant authorities have been contacted. We can only hope it is not too late for them.

This is perhaps one of if not the most terrifying displays of abject lunacy I have yet seen. Consider the time invested to fit such a disgusting display. This individual has long left the confines of a sane mind and ventured into the harrowing fields of depravity and idol worship. Attacks from this kind of psychopath are quick and senseless. Stabbings in shopping malls and acid assaults are common. Maimings are generally the  favoured approach and the capricious nature of this Christmas psychopath makes them difficult to track and eliminate.


The composition of the lighting here is understated, almost a trail into the desolate, empty soul of the woman inside. The home shows a lonely, hollow façade  I found this psychopath weeping alone amidst a slew of vinyl Cliff Richard albums and Christmas cards addressed to the most minor acquaintances (postmen, electricians, retail assistants etc). She was put out of her misery using the most humane method available for the dispatch of Christmas psychopaths, liquid nitrogen.

While this kind of Christmas psychopath may seem almost pitiful and dare I say it, in need of help do not sway from the conviction you should by now have instilled within you. They have been known to lure and drown young children, as well as poison family pets and attempt to disrupt marriages by means inconceivable to normal people. Pity is a virtue you cannot afford in these harrowing dealings.

A truly frightening display of controlled chaos. The highly symmetrical, synergistically rigid adornments here are particularly worrisome. Unfortunately this is indicative of the sort of calculating, ruthless individual who might for example serially murder tens of victims, selectively abducting them and proceeding to carefully dissect their living bodies. The meticulous and sequential dismemberment is typical of this kind of Christmas psychopath – often a series of clues are left along with the removed limbs and personal items of the deceased. These intricately designed puzzles serve only to entrap relatives in a trail of terror and should not be engaged with under any circumstances.

This example clearly demonstrates the folly of judging a threat purely on the quantity of decorations. It should now be clear that the arrangement of decorations can be indicative of an equally or even more dangerous kind of psychopath.



The pursuit of Christmas psychopaths should be undertaken only by professionals, the unpredictability and depravity of the typical suspect is such that no member of the public should attempt to make any sort of contact or take any action personally.

Where the attainment of professional help is not possible, Christmas psychopaths must be dealt with using extreme vigilance and prejudice. Proper armaments and knowlege should be procured at the earliest possible opportunity and family members should be hidden or relocated until the threat has been resolved.

Find your children. Hug them. Find your loved ones. Protect them. WARN THEM. They are not safe. You are not safe. Protect them. Protect yourself.

Christmas is coming.


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